i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
