Do you still have your period?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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