i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
