I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
