i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
