I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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