Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
