My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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