First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
two words...techno handjob
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
