you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
