I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
