i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
