i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
