just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
