when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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