did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
