a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
