I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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