He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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