My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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