yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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