The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
