I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
