The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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