I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
try to milk me bitch
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
