why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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