Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
