Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
