help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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