you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I didn't notice because vodka
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The adults are the big ones right?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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