I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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