i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
