We named our party play list daddy issues
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
