if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
