shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
