i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
