Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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