I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize