proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
