I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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