We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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