her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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