i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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