I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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