I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
