he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
