He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
