The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
