Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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