we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it's like iHOP with fire
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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