someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
