the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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