Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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