I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
