goodnight i made you a song goodbye
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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