I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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