woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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