There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
