I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
