You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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