Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
