I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
