I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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