shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
