Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
