i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
