You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
