just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
