You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
