we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
