No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is Oprah even human
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
