your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
