I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
