I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
