jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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