Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
