Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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